'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
