you guys were way drunker than both of me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i will never coherently bang her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
