i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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