You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
