Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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