I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
