I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
