It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
