last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
