apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
