I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
