Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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