Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
