Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
