# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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