so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize