Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
