note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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