My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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