Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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