her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize