Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
