tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
