so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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