I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
