i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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