first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
