i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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