I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
