I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
