And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
