Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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