Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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