lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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