am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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