Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
