Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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