seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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