Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
