Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
