Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
