last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's rum buckets o'clock
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
