I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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