I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
