I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
