We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
