Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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