listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
