I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
