capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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