Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
