I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
