what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
