Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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