Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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