She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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