I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
