i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
