Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
