chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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