Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
