Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
