does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
