we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
