I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
